Tuesday, December 27, 2011

What Makes A Mother?


I just really needed this today. Someday's are just to hard still...


What Makes a Mother?
By Jennifer Wasik
I thought of you and closed my eyes; and prayed to God today.
I asked, "What makes a Mother?" and I know I heard him say...
A Mother has a baby, this we know is true.
But God can you be a Mother, when your baby's not with you?
"Yes you can!" He replied with confidence in his voice.
"I give many women babies, when they leave is not their choice. Some I send for a lifetime; and others for a day - And some I send to feel your womb, but there's no need to stay."
"I just don't understand this God, I want my baby here"
He took a breath and cleared his throat; and then I saw a tear. I wish I could show you, what your child is doing today. If you could see you child smile with other kids and say, "We go to earth to learn our lessons of Love and Life and Fear. My Mommy loved me oh so much, I got to come straight here.
I feel so lucky to have a mom, who had so much love for me.
I learned my lesson very quickly, my mommy set me free.
I miss my mommy, oh so much but I visit her each day...
when she goes to sleep, on her pillow's where I lay.
I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek; and whisper in her ear,
"Mommy don't be sad today, I'm your baby and I'm here."
So you see my sweet dear one, your child is okay.
Your baby is here in my home; and this is where he'll stay.
He will wait for you with me, until your lesson is through.
And on the day that you come home; he'll be at the gates for you.
So now you what makes a mother, it's the feeling in your heart.
It's the love you had so much of; right from the very start.

(thanks to Chana for having this on her blog.)

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Back at square one...

I went to a specialist doctor today. An Endocrinologist. But I get ahead of myself... since last time I blogged about this my levels had gone back up so they put me back on medication to bring them down again. My doctor said that i could go ahead and get pregnant on the medication and all would be safe. So I have been on that for about 2 1/2 months.

Today at the Endocrinologists (gland and hormone doctor) I was basically told that she had no idea what was wrong with me because she has never seen a case like mine. With as high as my prolactin was I should have never been having periods. But i've never missed one in my life. I also should have never concieved with it that high, and most certainly should have had a brain tumor.

She believes that my high prolactin wasn't really the cause for my miscarriages. They could have been a normal occurance or they could be another whole problem all together.

So were back at square one. I have no information on anything basically . I don't know whats wrong with me or if I'll ever find out. Its not so much fun.

Friday, December 2, 2011

Sometimes I just need....

I have the need to hold a puppy today. A really small one. While its sleeping. A baby would work too.