Ryder is 1!

I realize I haven't posted on here in forever! But this is a special occasion. One year ago I went into labor with our sweet Ryder.

My water broke on its own at 2 am in the morning. I was surprised because it was 2 weeks early. After being checked into the hospital we relaxed for a few hours until I got my epidural around 4:15 am. It was from this point that things started to go wrong. I was tested a few weeks prior for Group B Strep. All pregnant women are and some have it, some don't. I was positive for Group B Strep but was told everything would be fine. As soon as I started labor they would start me on antibiotics and before my baby was born he would have the antibiotics already in him. This would be important because the GBS (group b strep) is in the vagina and birth canal. After I received the epidural I had a bad reaction to it. I don't know it if was because it was too strong of one or if that's just how I react, but I had uncontrollable shaking. My jaw was squeezed so tight together because I was literally having the worst shivering of my life. I wasn't cold, just shaking so so bad. Shortly after I received this they did some tests on the baby to try and get him to make movements or respond to noises against my stomach. He wasn't moving as much as they wanted him too. So they just kept monitoring his heart beat. The next sequence of events happened so fast and my husband always says I tell it wrong but I believe I was in a bit of shock and I don't quite remember everything. 

Neil had just laid down on the couch to try and get a bit of rest while I tried to relax enough to sleep as well. Suddenly about 5 nurses burst into the room and said "We need to get you on your knees and elbows now!". Being that I'd had the epidural a bit over an hour before I of course couldn't move. Neil had to assist the nurses while they pointed my butt in the air and I was leaning on my elbows. All of this was to try and get Ryder's heartbeat back up. Every time I would have a contraction his heartbeat would drop to around 70 bpm. Normal heart rate for a baby is about 140bpm I think. So after being on knees and elbows for bout 10 min or so (all the while Neil and the nurses were talking about having him sign consent forms for an emergency c-section) I was able to just lay on my side. Ryder's heartbeat had come up and was maintaining for a bit. They also kept checking my blood pressure thru out this whole time. The last few times they tried they couldn't even get a reading on me because of my reaction the the epidural.  My doctor soon came to check on me. Her and Neil talked about what just happened and what was going on. During which they watched Ryder's heartbeat plummet to 20 bpm. At that moment she said "we are taking you in for surgery now". I of course didn't care how he got here, I said "yes please save my baby!".  Before I knew it Neil was dressed for surgery, they had stopped my contractions, and I was being wheeled away to the OR.  

(Later Neil had told me that was the worst moment of his life. While he was assisting the nurses he was just losing it. He truly thought he was watching both his wife and son die right there on the table.)

I was in the OR by 6:00 am, they started surgery at 6:10am and I heard the sweetest sound of my sons first cry at 6:13 am. It was the craziest few hours I had ever had. And for sure the most stressful. However I was so incredibly grateful that my baby was alive, no matter how he had to get here. Many of you know he was in the NICU for a week after he was born. He was fighting an infection. Back to me being GBS positive, for me it wasn't just in my vagina and birth canal. It had spread to the placenta and umbilical cord. Ryder had been sick for weeks and we didn't even know it. He was probably going into the 3rd week of being sick. Now that I look back on it he had seemed as thought he wasn't moving as much the last few weeks leading up to his birth. I assumed it was because he was running out of room. I'm so glad that he came early and was able to whitest and all the stresses that happened to him in his first week of life. 

Today, December 10th, 2013 is a day that just one year ago, I didn't know if my son would be here to see. I am so incredibly grateful for what my Heavenly Father has given me. A happy and healthy, energetic, hilarious, sweet one year old. My little Ryder is truly a gift and I will cherish him always. I don't talk about his birth much because it was a scary time in my life. I wasn't sure if he was going to make it or not. Because of this I take time each day to thank Heavenly Father, give my son a hug and a million kisses, tell him I love him, and make sure to take millions of pictures of him. So of your sick of seeing pictures of my son?, then tough beans! because this is only the beginning. 

Happy 1st Birthday Ryder!! Your Dad and I love you very very much! And we are so thankful that you are here and ours forever!! 

Projects

I'm getting around to finishing sewing projects I started awhile back. Here's my most recent, LOVE making things for Baby C. ;)

Finally...

After losing my second little one getting pregnant again proved to be difficult. We ran into bumps along the way that led to brain MRI's, specialist doctors and more and more medications. But I won't get into that to much because I'm too happy to bring anyone down.

We were able to have an early ultrasound at 7 1/2 weeks to make sure everything was okay. I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw our little blob on the screen with a little flashing heart. I broke down then and there. It was the most amazing thing I've ever seen. Just when I thought it couldn't get any better we got to hear the heartbeat too. Best thing I've ever heard! I felt so incredibly blessed! We told our families on mothers day and everyone was ecstatic. We were able to hear the heartbeat again at another check up. I just love love love that sound.

Everything has been great this time around. Other than my jeans not fitting and not being able to find enough shirts that fit I can't complain. Sickness and all I will take it. Neil and I thank each of you from the bottom of our hearts for your love, support, prayers and blessings. All of which was felt and very much welcomed. I feel so incredibly grateful for this experience. We are so very excited for our little one and already have so much love for our miracle.

What Makes A Mother?

I just really needed this today. Someday's are just to hard still...

What Makes a Mother?

By Jennifer Wasik

I thought of you and closed my eyes; and prayed to God today.

I asked, "What makes a Mother?" and I know I heard him say...

A Mother has a baby, this we know is true.
But God can you be a Mother, when your baby's not with you?

"Yes you can!" He replied with confidence in his voice.

"I give many women babies, when they leave is not their choice. Some I send for a lifetime; and others for a day - And some I send to feel your womb, but there's no need to stay."

"I just don't understand this God, I want my baby here"

He took a breath and cleared his throat; and then I saw a tear. I wish I could show you, what your child is doing today. If you could see you child smile with other kids and say, "We go to earth to learn our lessons of Love and Life and Fear. My Mommy loved me oh so much, I got to come straight here.

I feel so lucky to have a mom, who had so much love for me.

I learned my lesson very quickly, my mommy set me free.

I miss my mommy, oh so much but I visit her each day...

when she goes to sleep, on her pillow's where I lay.

I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek; and whisper in her ear,

"Mommy don't be sad today, I'm your baby and I'm here."

So you see my sweet dear one, your child is okay.

Your baby is here in my home; and this is where he'll stay.

He will wait for you with me, until your lesson is through.

And on the day that you come home; he'll be at the gates for you.

So now you what makes a mother, it's the feeling in your heart.

It's the love you had so much of; right from the very start.

(thanks to Chana for having this on her blog.)

Back at square one...

I went to a specialist doctor today. An Endocrinologist. But I get ahead of myself... since last time I blogged about this my levels had gone back up so they put me back on medication to bring them down again. My doctor said that i could go ahead and get pregnant on the medication and all would be safe. So I have been on that for about 2 1/2 months.

Today at the Endocrinologists (gland and hormone doctor) I was basically told that she had no idea what was wrong with me because she has never seen a case like mine. With as high as my prolactin was I should have never been having periods. But i've never missed one in my life. I also should have never concieved with it that high, and most certainly should have had a brain tumor.

She believes that my high prolactin wasn't really the cause for my miscarriages. They could have been a normal occurance or they could be another whole problem all together.

So were back at square one. I have no information on anything basically . I don't know whats wrong with me or if I'll ever find out. Its not so much fun.

Sometimes I just need....

I have the need to hold a puppy today. A really small one. While its sleeping. A baby would work too.

Introducing...

The new Beehives Advisor!!!

Obviously I'm mature enough for it right? ;)

I am so excited for my new calling! I'm also terrified at the same time! I loved loved loved my Young Women's leaders so I hope that I can be just as excellent for my new Beehives.